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They move in mysterious ways

I am not a natural mom. I am a dreamer, an idealist, a romantic at heart and always on the go. Since 16 I have immersed myself into photography. Traveling, long working hours and the upbeat tempo of my industry left no room for children. I made no excuses for being in my 40’s and still no babies. I love my life, my family and friends, my career and the feeling of being able to pack anytime I have an assignment and jump onto a plane.

All of that changed at 42. I fell in love when our baby girl was born.

Not even the late nights on set and hangovers from my youth could prepare me for what was to come. The raging hormones, vomiting at a whiff of everything, hunger of a wolf, goldfish memory and thats all normal, pregnant woman go through this. Not every mom has the same experiences. I see them glow with health, blissful mommy happiness and wish that my body is as forgiving.

Silently I’m freaking out about this alien feeling of something moving inside what used to be my stomach. I watched Arnold Schwartzeneger play a pregnant dad and I thought, thats how I feel, I am a pregnant Arnold Schwartzeneger. Everyone looks at me with warm smiles and strangers walk up to me to touch my belly. No, not even in the most friendliest places I have traveled to, has anyone been that surreally friendly.

My mind is in love, it comes from a new place, deep inside me but my body is in a war. This continued through birth and breastfeeding and 8 months of no sleep. For the first time I understand what it means “love is blind”. I loved our little girl through it all, from the fist time she shifted her body inside me, right through her screaming matches with me in her “terrible twos” . Children are the cruelest and tenderest love I have ever experienced.

Today she is my inspiration. She has opened a new door to the world, shown me things I have forgotten and thought me not to care but to feel everything in the moment we are in, when we watch ants or pick up stones, eat a green bean or just get the giggles for no reason.

PMAD’s can develop during pregnancy or at any point during the first year after giving birth. “Research report published in Harvard Review of Psychiatry, compared the findings of studies on postpartum depression between 1985 and 2012. Overall, the review found that 38% of women with postpartum depression experienced chronic symptoms. In women who were receiving medical care, 50% of patients experienced depression for more than 1 year after childbirth. The review also found that in women who were not receiving clinical treatment, 30% of women with postpartum depression were still depressed up to 3 years after giving birth.” – Medical News Today, David McNamee

About Perinatal Mood, Anxiety Disorders (PMAD’s) and everything related to these conditions as a result of having given birth:

Vanessa Sandes on what is post natal depression

Linda Lewis on Antenatal Depression

The New Normal /Guidance Through Motherhood

Homeopathic Workshops Johannesburg

The Birth Hub Cape Town